I just read a fiction book about unsuccessful suicides--unsuccessful in the not executed at all sense. maybe "at all" is too blanket. i should have said sexecuted. i've never even thought about killing myself except by thinking about how i've never thought about it, which doesn't probably count. existential dread, yes. (see ryan's blog) despair, yes. ire, yes. frustration, yes. excessive happiness to the point of depression, yes. a cup of pudding or a pat on the head generally pull me out of any emotional ditch into which i tumble.
posted by cathye at
3:54 PM
5 Comments:
I thought about it sort of abstractly when I was younger but realized I would never do it because (1) it might hurt and (2) I didn't really want to be dead. I just wanted everyone else dead. Or at least I wanted robot laser eyes. Yeah. That last one.
I just went to your blog to post a comment saying something like "two or three days ago I was thinking you weren't doing well" and then there was actually a post not necessarily about how you're doing but just about doing well or not doing well in the abstract. yeah, my suicide disinclinations are similar to yours. oh yeah, a cup of pudding or pat on the head. mark twain said something like "I can live 17 weeks on a compliment". I think I might try reading huck fin, maybe in costa rica. that seems appropriate. I didn't like it in high school. but it must be interesting, right? or anyway some mark twain book must be interesting. I think that will be a comment on the mark wallace blog asking about mark twain books, now. oh yeah, I don't think I thought you weren't doing well because of anything in blog land, just I was thinking just because I was, or for some reason.
Interestingly, I'm doing great today. It has been one of those days when you wake up and everything is like it is in a musical. The world is currently choreographed to my beat...
The several people I've known personally who committed suicide were manic depressive. I say this not as a criticism of people who are manic depressive, but just that it's important to understand that suicide is quite frequently a result of illness. War, political situations and the extreme feelings that can result seem also to be common causes, as does chronic pain. I guess I'm trying to point out that being understandably bummed about what other people are like rarely leads to suicide, although it sure is no fun.
And another thing is that to commit suicide you don't necessarily have to adhere to the idea over the long haul; you just have to feel enough like it today to get the job done.
"Interestingly, I'm doing great today." funny sentence.
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