How This Affects You

2008-05-02T09:08:00.000-07:00

I just clicked on this link http://www.socpractice.org/

and got a page that says only

You have reached the end of the internet, please go back.

before

2008-03-31T08:01:00.000-07:00

after awakened in the river as the feeling of bodied eyes [before the physical’s derangement] afloat along a numbness called home [orations that caused us before they caused home] which has entered memory to collapse it into vast crumbs—this is how a fresh subject imposed its systems [talking of before to inhabit present action] think (that) you speak along the tongue telling nothing [think before is that you speak of your or other speaking] these else to slip and spread in an altered syllable [can this be mimicked before you] one falling alteration that swells to occurrence as a presence pissing in the dressing room as well as not pissing or make a room a territory [the seeing of it before it being owned but then before belonged to those who see now as well] streams cutting it off measure of awakeness—how rush thinking through to touch blurs that mouth a broken or saddle stages to the feel of that collapse [never had such a knife as when I have before] sum of fears befores that come to wars I cannot say flicker underwater
water forced through organs does shed a mercenary light

2008-03-03T14:49:00.000-08:00

post-sammich philosophizing led me to this place.

2008-02-29T09:25:00.000-08:00

science etsperiments

i like "juicy beans" and "drop it like it's hot" but there are so MANY to love.

diane ward yay

2008-01-24T07:28:00.000-08:00

ABSOLUTION

My arms are given
clean away, heaven forgiven.

I live in arms, touched
by sentence, treble up, sentence.

Reaching out across the states,
statements, clear mess of states.

If my fingers were longer, if central,
south, north, if we.

Set free a fortune by taking up
arms, each man must, each woman ...

Purge us of touch, including you,
the weight of emotion above.

I see my feet: footsteps; arms:
touched by delivery, destination.

I suppose I love that too, and you
in a formal setting, deep-heating.

And where, apart from us, motioning
away from us, gesture, come here.

It's gone. They were my arms-
reach within my arms-length.

It's not an airplane, not a part
of me. The motion, not the ocean, comprehended.

This is absolutely untrue. Within
my arms I have. I don't have you.

from Relation

2008-01-16T12:02:00.000-08:00

Ezra Pound as your boss

2007-12-27T12:16:00.000-08:00

the poetry of the turtle

2007-11-07T09:02:00.000-08:00

sometimes people have a magnolia pancake haus menu in their laps on buses. i had a bag of socks.

2007-11-06T16:42:00.000-08:00

http://www.timecube.com/

russian poets party

2007-09-29T17:03:00.000-07:00

andrei rodionov & angel

ryan walker

2007-09-21T11:54:00.000-07:00

i dent
itty bittyness

2007-09-21T09:34:00.001-07:00

2007-09-18T08:15:00.000-07:00

i wrecked my bike on the way to work. fortunately my face broke my fall. a stupid white guy was jogging by while i was on the ground with a broken helmet, a broken bike, broken sunglasses, and he made eye contact and kept going, even though there was no one else around on foot on rock creek parkway. then this latino guy named jorge in a bulldozer asked me what happened because i was dragging my bike down the trail with a scuffed face. he got down and fixed my tired so it would spin and i could push the bicicleta. the giant egg on my head doesn't hurt so maybe it never will.

2007-09-17T05:40:00.000-07:00

my friend kate hitchhiking the visa trip (santiago to mendoza & back over the andes to renew your tourist visa). she apparently started a band with some nuns on the way back.

2007-09-16T06:18:00.000-07:00

someone is hosting church in an apt. near me. thank you jesus.

it occurred to me to go to church today. i like the idea of going to church today. esp. because i'm not a god person. or maybe i am. so i went to the all souls unitarian church's web site to find out what time to go but the site's down. that is definitely a sign. that i am about to willingly buy something. maybe only metaphorically willingly.

why am i out of bed is the more you know question.

2007-09-15T11:09:00.001-07:00

let me preface this by saying i am happy today.

the house my mother grew up in where my grandparents lived until they died collapsed into a mine shaft this week. they lived in a little brick house in a working class neighborhood--lots of houses close together. now there is no basement and it is by all accounts in a dangle over the pit. the people who have lived there since my family sold it five years ago are upset because they didn't have house sucked into a mine shaft insurance. i don't know what anyone would be mining.

i am not happy because of this incident, by the way. i am unreasonably happy. i think it might be the weather but i hate to have a cause for this effect.

2007-09-13T18:25:00.000-07:00

someone told me today to get more epiphanies. she wasn't joking. i tried to get at least one today but it didn't work. i got dizzy once but didn't hallucinate or anything and maybe was imagining i was dizzy. really i was trying to have an epiphany which made me want to take metamucil or something.

i'm working on a book for a co-worker's baby shower. it's called "childless people SPEAK OUT: advice to parents of children" and it's a comic book. but it's not funny. it's serious. maybe i'll post some of it.

2007-09-09T15:45:00.000-07:00

YOUR MOUTH IS YOUR POLICEMAN

2007-08-14T16:21:00.001-07:00

i'm just killing time till the so you think you can dance finals. that's right.

2007-08-14T16:19:00.000-07:00

instances of unwith did play us
two or three in budding towardness, what is
in the pointing of itself attached to that
Ohio that that man mildly stained, yes,
always it was two or only one when every
twitch born bland got softly fatal, eventually
observed from & of synapses such as
toward comes down to tell a thing
path does not exist, path does not exist,
though this event of measurement exists, soon
you will be upon observed receipts
as music’s lost administrations

2007-07-27T18:55:00.000-07:00

SeCret TeCHnolOgy

2007-07-27T07:30:00.000-07:00

yesterday I was visiting friends and eating tasty food and my friend told her 5-yr-old son that i'm a librarian, which he knew, so he nodded. then she told him i'm also a poet, that i write poetry. he looked at me, grabbed his own head, and yelled, "my brain can't understand that!" so i gave him my waterproof watch and he was very happy. it has a clear face so you can see the works. he kept running through the room saying, "i don't have time! i'm in a hurry! it's 2000 and 98!"

2007-07-17T14:58:00.000-07:00

The Only Possible Relationship to the University Today
Is a Criminal One

2007-07-09T15:54:00.000-07:00

I just read a fiction book about unsuccessful suicides--unsuccessful in the not executed at all sense. maybe "at all" is too blanket. i should have said sexecuted. i've never even thought about killing myself except by thinking about how i've never thought about it, which doesn't probably count. existential dread, yes. (see ryan's blog) despair, yes. ire, yes. frustration, yes. excessive happiness to the point of depression, yes. a cup of pudding or a pat on the head generally pull me out of any emotional ditch into which i tumble.

2007-07-05T14:05:00.000-07:00

SCARY SQUIRREL WORLD

Oral Presentation

2007-07-03T12:51:00.001-07:00

In trying to up my manganese intake I've increased it so much that I have danger liver. And hypochondria. But if you talk about kites I'll forget all my symptoms/side effects and side effects/symptoms. I'm not on any drugs just supplements but they have side effects, too--mostly psychological. Like I feel my throat closing up but it's not closing up. It's not even doing anything--I just realize I have a throat is all.

Snuffleupagus

2007-06-20T14:08:00.000-07:00

2007-06-11T06:49:00.000-07:00

Richard Rorty

2007-06-09T12:05:00.000-07:00

from against the day:

"If the U.S. was a person," he later became fond of saying, "and it sat down, Columbus, Ohio, would instantly be plunged into darkness."

2007-05-29T05:21:00.000-07:00

do you feel with fragile, does fragile
overtake you (moving blood
as crux) when slow bleeds into
federal & people try to get you to

turn imagined suffering into twitches
there’s only one way to do this
would prefer us but it doesn’t
why does it fucking not

skin time when you can
as the little lung on my bird
quakes in attempt to use a word
possessed of so few letters

how to thing a thought so small
don’t make you to breathe loyally
it touches for helping home not mean
you rake a vessel toward the brain

2007-05-22T13:57:00.001-07:00

for JK and EL

2007-05-04T13:26:00.000-07:00

not with the homeless your of air-wide welcome
yet here at the sending toward poor shall mighty
lips by turns mother and command those astride
the refuse-silent door, is hand storying cries
above the gate that looks like sunset imprisoned
in a blue Bic but instead harbors the serious business of draining
tumors that while they do teem from hand to lamp in the her
of exiled masses, also finger burning hair
much huddled in trumpets—that is what lifting
a lamp means beside the door, nameless woman
famous for her torch (she has no
twin but the give of your own limbs

2007-04-30T18:20:00.000-07:00

don't inject your topic where my cower
worked its papery dawn to pieces, though
this sounds foolish, pages caught
revenging roaring girls dressed to what
loafingly tackles the blurt of "theoretical"
twice-removed, almost by an already
dead his that was a cat who could
be called who, at they when difficulties
prosper like saying pieces into
the ownership's mouth, all what
makes the coming tears come and not
come, as the seeping grows vague
in the least brainward way

for mel

2007-04-27T11:10:00.000-07:00

verbs and meat toward an anthem with
"I fucked a dense torte" as refrain
your stop has to come then would form
rare aloneness to alarm the yours of
the equipment till as-well-as days smoke
up the part that is place or places us
in relation to could, very inclined
to move a (the) rock on the (a) mouth ground
out via minimal mind

2007-04-23T13:42:00.000-07:00

confronted in a surprising nemesis, enemy,
friend the all that you show goes away reading
itself among the plums yet to form over
headless offenders equipped with frailty leads
transparently theirs, though I am a scary
note tucked forward into the doings referred to
as yours, not filially drunk in the ways
of passivity differently keeping templates to
drink from

2007-04-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

coup of the telltale toc not as in any
wire you travel painfully down, minding
our births dirty at vein level, so veins
that house the inability to help or go or
just eat a bag of its own food, which would
fuel the opposite of persons being governed by reading
romance into how the mouth forms you while
it sleeps, if does do sleep and mouth
what stands for creatures' flow
past objects eating the same that's eating
them, this is how breaks take you
not cleverly, in the case of trained rats,
but uselessly, in the wakes of inflammation

2007-04-21T08:48:00.000-07:00

limitation as evidence of some light
that they await, when it is not there
in their known place though I'm not a girl
building model women reversed to want
the saying of them to happen soon,
her temporary parents sidling up to a box of
units, how many in a unit they may
be heard saying between breaths to discern
yours from the ones that were yours
it's not myself I invoke when I say that
to the drawer of forks, accepting tines as this room
full of removable faces

2007-04-21T07:01:00.000-07:00

of the eye also you receive receipts
a form soon being lifted in small amounts small-ly
repeated, as a day is, repeatedly lifted,
infirmity keeping the rooms huddled
but at large in the index to which purpose
the being at it serves (ever to option us)--
though thinking in the way turns grass
diacritical, something should would never say
"a refinement means a person who is licking
something said by should"
which we are all for when surprise at theirs
feeds ways to locate i.e. commit to
the us taken back to gone or fallen directly
that incision creeping open let them in

2007-04-21T06:28:00.000-07:00

I locked the wanting of the door as a soft
fish would in airing the room, found the feeling
of a landscape when persons not there re
arrange it with the goods allotted us
verbs turning to nouns out of habit forewarning
that which says as it absorbs watery filth
restrained by that it was a home for some
who look like ours but are not in thinking ours
nor could laughs mask revelations to the room
in mind refracting "tomorrow burned you
down for us" as though one
had stated its intention to return

2007-04-21T06:04:00.000-07:00

long live the momentary for there's
neither penetration nor a shot from a gun
to confuse the moral frequency with which
the eye factors passing facts to lesser organs
"I love you" is saying something more
to itself than termination of acidic tastes
incorrigible during the coming together
of matter never broken from the start, heel
of boot, cleft palate releasing sound into
the van as a tasty morsel. stop starting with
this is universally noted, so's
the incomplete abandonment through which
we are traveled

2007-04-21T05:45:00.000-07:00

& make sure our existence still has roads in
other words, botch contempt as those such as we aged
in rotting barrels would when cornered by any
part of speech dangling through the grate like
that never sweetening it unless you play the
vietnam card habitually, an action marked
between how your face feels its suffix being
continued despite watching for durable outs--a
long shabby denotation, a singing astigmatic
difference, even a physical badness mini-construe
us toward how to stop imagining which
being thought might please us

2007-04-14T06:56:00.000-07:00

this end like an ending quite unstopped
to leave the mantras room softly as a leaving
deserves that care, which I can't credit
to their selves recorded by a pen too fat
to make a very nice thing out of yours
or in English take the angles in which
our listing swims away from them, stop
the lists from such cadences

2007-04-14T06:34:00.000-07:00

how can angels have numbers in them
breaks toward edges naked amid juxtaposed
objects & abstractions that name you
as yourself, so why be described/accused
in the evening like that on the left where
it hearts yours through agreeable windows
proving that does loves her, for Free Will
is on deal with Yes, as in Did you
see (seem to kill) my house? as in
Should you not be (been to burn) without
a happiness? omitting the complement
is savory--its keeping of us in these
places occupied by I shall not & vaguely
bought, a person can, which is, testify
via unknowing relatives

2007-04-12T14:11:00.000-07:00

nutritious the love toward registration whosoever'
s midnight questions, like he's Balto-tropic
but madly this having to eat a meeting does wager
to mean what doing does to one through mouths as a group
or language/rails that terminate forward, they
who say would say "a kind of" future as in pend
as not in no arms to pen confessions of having
searched for seeing, the abilities suddenly forsaken
how can you keep your "lucky to have been the object
of screaming" away from refreshments which
when referred to hesitate in etcetera time, because
the infinite is a space too whether or not
you keep aware that way, as I do

2007-04-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

for you cannot know that except the stats
which the ramp made of brain brushes
which the gown made of men-brains they
grasp alarmingly for leaks
of the not saying it spinally out of sac
out of very nices and bilgewater pearls
as what act as high/low corks
thoroughly, vertebrally suspended mid-vessel
where their lies enforce precision of objects
relating to lack of objects (realm-specific this)
we were their "sorry to have burnt you down"
who to be seeming thinks it is good
to continue walking

2007-04-10T05:43:00.000-07:00

boustrophedon
the book such as paper
never to notice the hand in
that hand is
my hand
forcing one to bear
more weight
as 1450 overtakes
our person
alities, passing
us around from
word to lack
of verbal
context
always a lawyer teaching
a fly who
developed no heart
to speak of

2007-04-09T06:16:00.001-07:00

I hear the roaring sea.
Must be the Astral Plane.

Sure.

2007-04-09T05:59:00.000-07:00

We looked in the Hooters' window
put each thing we saw into categories
like Staunch or Velvet
this distributed the scene
with a lot of blood

minutely briefly there
a potentially afternoon substation
you couldn't recall the present, her stick, our neighbor, that chest
but the future echoed in
all vida and macaroons, which I hate

when I come back from the air then
I will tell you the truth
over phyllo suches weakly
literal as money
could

I learned a lot in today
what to omit in reply
taking 9 words yonder
this dead & alive at once
stuff suits all of us

2007-04-08T08:42:00.000-07:00

part of breakfast. 10 pistachios 10 raisins 2 hard-boiled eggs milk with pure bee honey. this is what the one taxi driver told me to eat to make me feel happy.

last night another taxi driver gave me a book called ECKANKAR Ancient Wisdom for Today: How Past Lives, Dreams, and Soul Travel Help You Find God. I asked him if it was a cult. He shrugged energetically and said, "That depends on how you define 'cult.'"

The book says you can often recognize the Astral Plane by the sound of the roaring sea.

2007-04-07T14:40:00.000-07:00

caveat: the ject within

all I do is read

I never read
any even
words
even

&thena
ssumeda
nonex
istent
need

look at my
faux fulfiller
of the vista

2007-04-07T07:29:00.000-07:00

This Is Probably Too Revealing

I collected it
rubri
cated them all
the while
strong desire
to belch the
history of
writing
into my non-
fisting
fist.

people read
translations
of programs
dedicated to
this month
it’s something
to read
ancientness into

read a book
a day
like the monk
eys caught
in the id
eogram.
(oh boethius.)
diglossic
recipe for
those couple
gestures

my weekend was exactly like this except in baltimore

2007-04-03T04:40:00.000-07:00

Gentle Reader

2007-04-02T05:12:00.001-07:00

i'm getting on the napowrimo bandwagon late and poorly shod. i'm not sure i could be less interested in writing poems than i am right now. which is not really normal for me. maybe it's my change in diet. i shouldn't take nutritional advice from taxi drivers. or that remains to be seen, i reckon.

heart rate, heart rate, come come
sell love from my trunk
but it has to be pure
right out of the hive
trying to
trying to be a
pink coated
make some cash
have optional body
I killed myself
by changing my status
on myspace
to dead.
I can kill you, too.

2007-03-20T04:54:00.000-07:00

bill berkson was great on sunday--the work and the stories after.

ALAN DAVIES

2007-03-12T17:01:00.000-07:00

In a poem thinking is mostly vertical. Feeling
mostly horizontal.

i have a hobby its name is bead (i just realized i had IT's!! this is a pet peeve--I'm so humiliated.)

2007-03-10T07:23:00.000-08:00

bead crap.

little pearl big pearl necklace i made.

labradorite and onyx necklace for mel. part of it. i love labradorite. i'm still figuring out my camera so this photo's crappy.

i want to make alice notley a necklace based on alette. this will take a while and will most likely not involve beads. i might take a chain-making class. that would be more like it. i can make chains but i don't have a tumbler though my friend does. she'll let me use it, but that involves driving. this is all very interesting, i'm sure.

i just realized i haven't had a cup of tea yet today! very exciting--now i get to have one. i love being an adult.

anyone know how to post video to a blog from my hard drive? (besides by uploading it to youtube first)

2007-03-10T05:44:00.000-08:00

Think about it: what on earth does it matter if someone writes an iambic confessional sonnet about growing up queer in the barrio as opposed to assembling an opaque commentary on globalism by sampling online pharmaceutical catalogs?

Kasey got it goin on.

2007-03-06T04:26:00.000-08:00

I was reading Maureen's blog and it reminded me of a weird moon-dream I had last night. I was riding in a car with three other people, a guy I barely knew driving. It was dark and we were in a sort of deserted hilly area and he was driving really fast on curvy roads, there were trees in the distance and the horizon, and the moon was bright blue with white patterns on it and HUGE, right at the end of the road. When I noticed it, it started pinballing around. We came to a slight hollow with trees and a creek and a cemetery on both sides of the road with lots of mourners visiting their dead, frying eggs right on the tombstones. I remember thinking, "these people must be really poor," because the headstones were made of metal and had doors on them with vents--exactly like stand-alone lockers. Some people were taking the lockers into the creek for a swim. Then my grandfather was there, and I had to tell him something. As I tried to speak, he kept backing away half-turned to me as though in a hurry to get somewhere. I knew he was going to die so if I didn't tell him this important thing now I would never, and I didn't, and he ran off waving to me.

2007-03-05T12:52:00.000-08:00

great idea Maureen. this isn't the right font but i'm just playing with this idea.

2007-03-05T04:45:00.000-08:00

please help me design my book cover. ryan said maureen especially would be good at this and i agree seeing as how her tinysides are all beautiful AND she likes to talk about designing books. i took this picture yesterday i kind of like, but i don't even really need an image i guess. the image is supposed to have the musical notes at the bottom but i didn't rotate it. the title of the book is clearing without reversal.

2007-03-05T04:39:00.000-08:00

I just got a digital camera.

2007-02-27T07:23:00.000-08:00

I had to stop reading Notley. Remember when I said the trance stuff she said about process didn't really interest me? (probably not but I wrote it in this blog) That's still true but when I went back and read the most trance-inducing work (Alette & Closer), which I realize is different than work written in a trace state, I couldn't finish either of them. They turned me into a medium. Everything shifted brainward, turning very dark. Every night my grandparents visited me in dreams so they could dance because apparently they can't dance except in a live-in-person person's dreams. Our visits were too intense so after three nights in a row I had to stop reading the poems. It was too draining to read them and slip into that rhythm that crosses between worlds which then slipped me into that rhythm that crosses between worlds. I'm very susceptible to poetry right now. I think. Now I'm still dreaming about morphing things and people, which in dreams isn't so strange, except it's more like poltergeists and murder. Lots of sharp objects and blood and really cold fear. Nothing saves you except the fact that you're watching and doing at once. I can't cry in my sleep any more--it's too exhausting. No more Alice (for now). She fucks too much with my head.

2007-02-21T04:18:00.000-08:00

It's very strange that when I read Lorraine's chapbook, which I think I've heard her read before, at least most of it, but maybe I'm confused, the white space feels chaotic and full of noise, but the text feels like moments where that chaos stops long enough to get out a single sentence or a couple of them. I don't think I've ever read anything that made me feel this before. There's a rushing quality to the blankness. And it keeps making me think the word vaudeville, voix de ville.

2007-02-20T05:36:00.000-08:00

poem for Norma Cole

(after reading Do the Monkey)

to go a little backward
while aiming for very
backward

clawmarks slide-ing down
a shiny happy spot
on the turnstile
can’t be filched

how many phrases
outshine their ex-
ecution
(“slicing a lemon”)
mimes tell the monkeys
do

they ask if we’re full
of dread without
their mouths
we say no
unsure what it looks like

“free will” news
doesn’t reach us
through demise

failure a sign of
a hatred of
windows
at address on a
quality park, two
adjacent zeroes
amid inexplicable
numbers, such as
all of them

I Hate Perfume

2007-02-19T05:52:00.001-08:00

Adam told me about this place and I wanna go some time. I might order something online--it's tempting.

How to Get Rid of Identity (a work in progress)

2007-02-18T08:11:00.000-08:00

This is a hard one.

1. Stay hydrated. This makes me see that actually the answer is to get really painfully ill. Intense pain & physical suffering make me not care if I'm the prime minister, a good daughter, or have nice hair. Then I just want the pain I am to end. Is that right? It sounds right.

2. If you throw everything away you just have to start collecting stuff and ideas again and money, so it may counterproduce new identities without having the clean slate effect (or clean slat effect ha ha).

3. Go underground. What might "going underground" look like in 2007? Where underground is may depend on where ground is, and probably has nothing to do with actual sea-level, even though my image of underground always involves lots of crouching. This is not, in fact, how one goes underground, I don't think. "The great fortune of tomorrow will hide itself. Will go underground." Duchamps

4. Kick all the meanings out of the word "here"--if you can do that then you can kick the meanings out of "anything" and "everything" and even out of a bunch of personalities animating a human body. It seems.

5. When Ginsberg was 14 he wrote in his diary that he was either a genius, [something something], or schizophrenic, but that he thought it was the first two. This has to do with identity but not with getting rid of it, more like courting it. I mean, he was thinking about biographers reading his diary when he was like 10 years old. How could he even stand up?

Please give more advice on getting rid of identity if you have it.

2007-02-18T05:07:00.000-08:00

If identity just gets in the way, what do you do?

Can you not have identity? How do you get rid of it?

I can't find anything on the web about how to get rid of it. Then again, maybe it doesn't get in the way. That's just what I heard. It's an invitation to distortion. Or maybe distortion's an invitation to identity. My new platform.

_________________

& also I just read that notley interview with conrad. I'm not so keen on the trance and tarot talk--probably not knowing enough about tarot makes me not care. I guess I do feel like writing is a meditative state or trance-like but I don't find talking about it that interesting. It's only good when you're in it. now I've piled up all of notley's books to read again since i have a bad memory and only remember "good" or "bad" or "[shrug]" (which I learned recently is one of the few universal gestures meaning "fuck if i know").

the notley books in my pile:

at night the states

mysteries of small houses

desamere

closer to me and closer ... (the language of heaven)

disobedience

the descent of alette

2007-02-18T05:00:00.000-08:00

this is my new soundtrack. it used to be the sanford & son theme song, not the original, but a bad mouth-trumpet version. for the passenger i feel like there's a little iggy trapped in my brain, so that's good.

Bad Stuff

2007-02-18T04:54:00.000-08:00

cleaning slats

having a cup of coffee instead of genitalia

no milk

a drawer full of dry pens

that reminds me i have a new fountain pen i've never used. i bought it as a gift for someone but he never uses pens & when I forgot to take it back i decided to keep it for myself. it's german and cost $90. it better be good. i hope i can find it.

this post kind of veered away from bad stuff so maybe that indicates my optimism for the day.

2007-02-17T05:47:00.000-08:00

I've never waited for it like this before.

Or maybe I have?

I need some mnemonic devices, and also to actively decide to remember certain things instead of just hoping i'll remember.

Mnemonics--do you know these?

Few people cheer for pizza

working wives have seldom had really jazzy hemlines, triple e rubber bands hardly help

What Funny Granny Fries Livers But Hates Livers Done Dryly

4G to the A to the R and C to the GEP to the C5T and the PHJ then P4J and no Repeats.

Up, up, and away!

On Old Olympus' Towering Tops A Fat Angelic Girl Viewed Spanish Hops

Bile from the liver emulsifies greases, Tinges the urine and colours the faeces, Aids peristalsis, prevents putrefaction. If you remember all this you'll give satisfaction. (this one's obvious)

2007-02-15T14:42:00.000-08:00

I feel compelled because I know nothing to write. I feel compelled to start every sentence with I--actually, the opposite. I feel resigned to start every sentence with I. A bunch of bad checks.

If you eat 9 HoHos in a row it makes you realize completely obvious things that you hadn't realized. Really only 6 HoHos. Is it the glucose, the swoop down into a gulley. Or low blood pressure. It's like I just got this body yesterday and I'm trying to figure out how it works. Isn't that ridiculous? No, it's like I'm 4 years old and I just got this body yesterday--like my brain is 4 years old but my body's 40 so that's what I do to it--trick it into acting like it would anyway. That's how stupid, I can't even say, "I" am. That stuff about going away from what you wrote for a time then coming back when you've forgotten it so you can add on, in this way predicting the future, or making the future, not sure I go for that stuff. I don't think it was ever familiar in the first place. Remembering anything takes it all out of me--and then still there's no remembering of certain activities, paying bills, childhood. What happened? Pictures help. I almost wrote I'm gonna go look at some pictures but I don't know where they are. Now I'm starting to delete delete delete so good time to quit.

2007-02-10T12:30:00.000-08:00

I'm deciding if a windfall has fallen on me. Today buying chain soup from a chain joint I handed over my university ID to pay--by accident. It should've been the bank debit card. But the ID card worked even though I've NEVER put money on it. I didn't even realize my mistake until the woman handed my ID back to me--I even told her I didn't have any money on it and she said, "Better spend it while you got it then."

When you have money your your student/staff/faculty ID you can use it at local restaurants, UPS, CVS, a couple of DAY SPAS (just found that out), and some clothing stores. But I don't have any money on my card--I even checked in the system. My balance is 0, my acct activity is 0. I AM TORN. can this be traced?

Maybe I'll try to buy something I need like floss at the CVS and see if it works again.

SIGH

2007-02-10T04:38:00.000-08:00

The world & being some kind of person in it do not become more manageable.

--Bill Berkson

my new play. it's called "Informing the Future."

2007-02-06T12:06:00.000-08:00

Two people in a parking lot are walking side by side in a circle approximately 20 feet in diameter. More like an ellipsis, though. Persone One is eating a type of food. The other is not. The one not eating the food is walking a little faster but not so much that you can tell. It's more of a feeling that the person is walking faster.

Person One: This sauce tastes funny.

Other Person: That isn't sauce.

Person One: What?

Other Person: That isn't--

Person One: I heard you.

They continue walking for 90 more minutes.

are my crack days behind me

2007-02-04T12:41:00.000-08:00

a few poems I found in my files today.

Henry Kissinger

they were both like dams and where was the leak?
every object and person was, she said, familiar to her, but temporarily wrong, e.g.
they spoke Spanish when they were not asking her a direct question e.g. we used to pour cold water on the Dobermans when their genitals could not release each other in the middle of the living room
it turns out this happened nightly

she wished she could keep his tongue in a safe area of her mouth
who could not speak for fear of saying something
everyone had heard the story, including the grandmother, which made
everyone slightly uncomfortable, including the grandmother

Untitled

We’ve gone too long without toast. Some one time I get out the bread & think to start to toast, goddamnit. Celebrities shape like toast enter into it for a moment but do not see me as I see not them, vague pronouns sewn into silk & lacking qualifiers. Celebrities must eat toast shaped like themselves. The toast can be optional but the shape of themselves cannot be optional. This toast intricate as a brain writes extremely well from its little dark jar. He bit his toast to the shape of a gun and held me up at toast point.

[The title of this just might possibly be SKUNK.]

mid-stride of connecticut dark and his toe

catches skunk-belly underside of skunk skunkbottom of skunk

and then

________________________________________________________________________
who might put a skunk as finger
puppet in a white envelope mutter
skunk and skunk and the skunkstink
7 times over the graphic scrawl skunk

skunk looping smelling of black
ink evaporated over a continent
of slight breakfasts

did you kick the skunk?

who is kicking anything that is now being kicked

and saying skunk and saying it

the lips grown disinvolved in the
saying of skunk

took thousands of years evolution crawling and
jogging by lips

vestigial as fins on
skunks

and is all you have the disutility of lip
in terms of skunk

but the arc of ink tossed
over white oceans

________________________________________________________________________
this is

all the muttering story this is all

that is in or out:

________________________________________________________________________

the skunk as disguised finger
[or the finger disguised up a skunkass]

pronounces an unlike syllable

[this may be titled, "huh?" or something I think]

who do you please
look I fucking love
when to look very hard
at you your having
substance when how with
or i dont fucking know
what any one is
saying 30 days changewhat who is am then purr
i love you
slight destruction how does
love relocate my vision
you;r eall talk questions
resignations con questions overlapping
bodies picketers
relating to never having
been that reconstruction
who what are they
equaling the trying very
hard bodies eyes in serious
ness

yikes.

2007-02-02T12:56:00.000-08:00

Are you an underexcretor?
Can you imagine your day without it?
What's the margin?
What's the margin of it that we'd get?
You think we can leave early?
Did they already leave, are they gone?
What does this screen mean?
Does grammar reduce co-morbidity, the, brown, waffle, e.g.?

I like that word underexcretor.
It's Friday. Good.Bye.

2007-02-02T10:44:00.000-08:00

2007-02-01T19:46:00.000-08:00

I feel like Tchaikovsky is just some really good looking person who you want to be around but then s/he doesn't say anything interesting and you go buy a hot dog and try to think of something else.

But Saint-Saens is something else. I don't know anything about that kind of music, particularly. If the violin soloist moves like she's in a jerky silent movie but her dress is wispy fuschia not black and white then that makes a big difference.

The Poetry of D.H. Rumsfeld

2007-01-31T10:27:00.000-08:00

"His work, with its dedication to the fractured rhythms of the plainspoken vernacular, is reminiscent of William Carlos Williams'. Some readers may find that Rumsfeld's gift for offhand, quotidian pronouncements is as entrancing as Frank O'Hara's. "

A Confession

Once in a while,
I'm standing here, doing something.
And I think,"What in the world am I doing here?"
It's a big surprise.

—May 16, 2001, interview with the New York Times

Sick Day

2007-01-31T05:20:00.000-08:00

after Ryan Walker

If she hadn't hidden it under the desk,
the world would be something
something would never have happened

just an idea to explore in conversation

I can't wire this money to you now
because this isn't money

just a way to express quality
with arrows & grunts

nurse sharks are so calm
if they weren't
who knows

it's not fanatical talk through a tube
just regular talk
regular, brutal fucking talk

the occasional urge to run amok
might draw the law out
from its intellectual distance

gesture: make an O, make a K
music: crumbs in a good bounce
action: hand me down to the next needer
thing: this synapse feels longer than the last

2007-01-17T10:32:00.000-08:00

What I learned today from a 2-hour software demo:

Cockroach feces is the leading cause of asthma for children living under the poverty level.

Nothing to do with software but disturbing on many levels. Though it must have something to do with software.

2007-01-17T10:25:00.000-08:00

Escaped Chimp Gets Snack, Cleans Bathroom

I think that's what I would do if I escaped.

2007-01-16T13:48:00.000-08:00

text messaging is unnatural? of course it is.

2007-01-13T05:21:00.000-08:00

I've been seeing myself a lot and it doesn't seem to be working. Or at least that's how I did feel a few weeks ago. Maybe this reminiscing isn't such a good idea. More tea.

telly phone

2007-01-12T19:00:00.000-08:00

it's weird that on tuesday i was actually touching (through mylar) the first drawing alexander graham bell ever made of the telephone while apple was announcing the iphone. the exact drawing doesn't appear to be digitized but this is one of agb's sketches. i like the first drawing because he'd put in crudely rendered men's heads with slicked-back hair. this one must be from his loopy period.

Livin in the BZ

2007-01-10T10:23:00.000-08:00

welcome to the BLAST ZONE

it's important to be able to get away from the blast zone very quickly & easily, but it's more important to be able to get TO it very quickly & easily.

as a tagg-ee

2007-01-04T14:42:00.000-08:00

I saw that Mel tagged me, which proves I look at her blog--it's one of three blogs I regularly visit because it's mainly pictures.

Uh, so then I had to figure out what the tagging thing involved.

So there goes--5 little-known facts about me?

1. In high school I played piccolo in the marching band--we backed up Maynard Ferguson at the Citrus Bowl in '82 and apparently you can buy the CD. Weird.

2. I didn't learn to ride a bike until the age of 12 because I was scared of falling off, which I NEVER DID. It's good to be scared.

3. When I lived in Santiago I was addicted to a soap opera called Romane, starring Francisco Reyes as the naughty priest, and once I ran into him in Bar Liguria and he invited me to sit with him and have a drink--so shocked that a gringa was obsessed with his telenovela.

4. In the mid-90s I hitchhiked across Tierra del Fuego. Mostly walking--not a lot of traffic down there.

5. I have this affliction (actually a "characteristic entity," meaning--that's just how you are) called joint hypermobility. My doctor says that even though I've never been able to touch my toes, I'm secretly double jointed.

So now I have to tag five more? Kaplan Harris, Ryan Walker, Lorraine Graham, Tom Orange, and Danielle Pafunda.

i forgot about my second life

2006-11-22T10:39:00.000-08:00

i hope my avatar's okay after the self-replicating worm. here we are in front of in-world poetry contest winners.

and with trixie in the library with the wrench. i reckon the wrench slid behind the cushions.

Museum of Foreign Debt

2006-11-22T10:18:00.000-08:00

opened last year in Buenos Aires: http://www.uba.ar/extension/cultura/16.php

New show on Fox

2006-11-21T07:37:00.000-08:00

It's called THE ODD COUPLE, starring Mel Gibson and Michael Richards. Instead of one pathologically messy and one pathologically neat roommate, one hates Jews and one hates blacks. With special guest stars Rush Limbaugh, sheik Ibrahim Sarsur, and Rabbi Moshe Sternbuch.

2006-08-14T15:44:00.000-07:00

"'Care.' 'People.' 'Songs.' All those words mean different things to different people."

Bob Dylan to a reporter who asked him if he cared how people interpreted his songs

2006-06-07T10:06:00.000-07:00

[He said into his cell "I gotta figure out what the hell's been biting me." And then he didn't say anything.]

........................................................................................

... the technical structure of the archiving archive also determines the structure of the archivable content even in its very coming into existence and in its relationship to the future. The archivization produces as much as it records the event.

Derrida, Archive Fever

Post-techn0-science, property rights, super-three-branes, the past, the re-past, the proto-past. Search inside this brain

2006-05-31T14:24:00.000-07:00

Have you ever contacted via phone the advertiser/seller of a thing you wanted to buy, agreed via phone to buy said thing, agreed not to see said thing before you bought said thing, written a $250 check to said seller, left said check at a designated spot for said seller to pay for said thing, assumed said thing was stored in a safe place described by said seller, then waited a year to determine if said thing existed in said place or in fact had never existed as said thing but only as an idea so appealing that all reason left you for the life of this transaction?

I have. Fuck.

2006-05-25T13:25:00.000-07:00

Some information people have taken stabs at why I'm ornithophobic:

"You're sexually frustrated."

"In a previous life as an infant you were abandoned on a hillside where vultures first ate your face then ate the rest of you." Nice.

"You are really a bird. You are searching for your bird family but fear finding them because you do not know what to expect from a reunion. Reunions are always scary." Some of this not true, some is less false.

"Maybe it's race memory: An Ohio State study determined that eagles would swoop down, pierce monkey skulls with their thumb-like back talons, then hover while their prey died before returning to tear at the skull. Examination of thousands of monkey remains produced a pattern of damage done by birds, including holes and ragged cuts in the shallow bones behind the eye sockets." I like this one best. And I have those dreams where I need my hands to run.

At least I'm not afraid of rooms: Koinoniphobia. Not yet, anyway. I still need more information.

2006-05-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

Any situation can turn to terror. The most ordinary errand can go bad.
Joan Didion, Salvador

I read this today only to return to Monday, the moment of carrying a grocery bag of wine bottles to the trash chute down my building's corridor, which caused in me that dread of a sudden turn to terror, an expectation of an expectation of pain and horror. Does "hideous lack" of natural light create this susceptibility to imagined violence? Simone Weil says the absence of chlorophyll in humans ruins us, but maybe traces crouch in our cells. Maybe it's lack of real terror, the fragility of the flesh that cuts through the mind sometimes. Too many videogames? Too much Gatorade. I need the information people to pay me a visit.